05:52
teacher Jota
Paul: It's okay...
Monica: I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um... how long?
Paul: Two years.
Monica: Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!
Paul: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?
Monica: (pause)...Yeah. Yeah, I do.
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is watching Joanne Loves Chaci.]
Priest on TV: We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony.
Rachel: Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! That's the difference!
[Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around and talking.]
Ross: (scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you?
Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, (looks to Chandler)
Chandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.
Joey: Right. Thanks. It's June. I'm outta here. (Exits.)
Ross: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask? (He gazes out of the window.)
[Cut to Rachel staring out of her window.]
Commercial Break
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]
Rachel: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.
Chandler: That is amazing.
Joey: Congratulations.
Rachel: Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do.
Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.
Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
Monica: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here.
All: Morning. Good morning.
Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning.
Joey: Morning, Paul.
Rachel: Hello, Paul.
Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?
(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)
Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much!
Monica: Stop!
Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.
Monica: We'll talk later.
Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)
Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?
Monica: Shut up, and put my table back.
All: Okayyy! (They do so.)
Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...
Rachel: So, like, you guys all have jobs?
Monica: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff.
Joey: Yeah, I'm an actor.
Rachel: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?
Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.
Joey: Look, it was a job all right?
Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'
Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)
Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.)
Monica: So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling.
Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
Monica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?
Rachel: Oh, yeah.
Monica: Well, it's like that. With feelings.
Rachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.
Monica: Big time!
Rachel: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used.
Monica: I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.
Rachel: Oh, look, wish me luck!
Monica: What for?
Rachel: I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things.
(Monica exits.)
[Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.]
Frannie: Hey, Monica!
Monica: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida?
Frannie: You had sex, didn't you?
Monica: How do you do that?
Frannie: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who?
Monica: You know Paul?
Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.
Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?
Frannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.]
Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line!
Monica: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?
Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'.
Monica: I hate men! I hate men!
Phoebe: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe.
Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
Phoebe: All right, c'mere, gimme your feet. (She starts massaging them.)
Monica: I just thought he was nice, y'know?
Joey: (bursts out laughing again) I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!
(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.)
Rachel: Guess what?
Ross: You got a job?
Rachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.
Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off!
Chandler: Oh, how well you know me...
Rachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!
Monica: How'd you pay for them?
Rachel: Uh, credit card.
Monica: And who pays for that?
Rachel: Um... my... father.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.]
Rachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want.
Monica: C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life.
Rachel: I know that. That's why I was getting married.
Phoebe: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.
Rachel: Thank you.
Phoebe: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
(Pause)
Ross: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'...
Monica: All right, you ready?
Rachel: No. No, no, I'm not ready! How can I be ready? "Hey, Rach! You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute?" Come on, I can't do this!
Monica: You can, I know you can!
Rachel: I don't think so.
Ross: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.)
Ross: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (She cuts one of them and they cheer.)
Rachel: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture...
Monica: Rachel! That was a library card!
All: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut..
Chandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream.
(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.)
Monica: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it!
[Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishing its broadcast day by playing the national anthem.]
Monica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash* on the couch?
Ross: No. No, I gotta* go home sometime.
Monica: You be okay?
Ross: Yeah.
Rachel: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. (Monica smiles.) What?
Monica: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody.
Ross and Rachel: Goodnight.
(Monica stomps on Paul's watch and goes into her room.)
Ross: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no-
Rachel: Sorry-
Ross: No no no, go-
Rachel: No, you have it, really, I don't want it-
Ross: Split it?
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush* on you.
Rachel: I knew.
Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured* you just thought I was Monica's geeky* older brother.
Rachel: I did.
Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?
Rachel: Yeah, maybe...
Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will...
Rachel: Goodnight.
Ross: Goodnight.
(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving.)
Monica: See ya.... Waitwait, what's with you?
Ross: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Joey: I can't believe what I'm hearing here.
Phoebe: (sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing here...
Monica: What? I-I said you had a-
Phoebe: (sings) What I said you had...
Monica: (to Phoebe) Would you stop?
Phoebe: Oh, was I doing it again?
All: Yes!
Monica: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great butt.
Joey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya.
Ross: There's an image.
Rachel: (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody like more coffee?
Chandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
Rachel: I'm just serving it.
All: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.
Chandler: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachel sits down to hear Chandler's dream.)
Customer: (To Rachel) Ahh, miss? More coffee?
Rachel: Ugh. (To another customer that's leaving.) Excuse me, could you give this to that guy over there? (Hands him the coffee pot.) Go ahead. (He does so.) Thank you. (To the gang.) Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas.
Chandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli-
End
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